You Have Every Right To Let Toxic People Go.

First let’s start with the simplest reality; Toxic people are everywhere and they come in all forms. We allow them knowingly and sometimes unknowingly to take up precious and valuable space in our life. Culturally as women we are taught to be peace keepers, oh don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being a peace keeper; I personally am a peace keeper. Not teaching our young girls or ourselves to have boundaries, can open the door for toxic people to take over a peace keeper’s life and as naturally peace keepers we are afraid to let people go and teach to navigate who is worth it and who is not.

I am here to tell you, you have every RIGHT to let toxic people go.

So, what is the definition of a toxic person? I personally define a toxic person as someone who completely drains your energy and never rejuvenates it. They create chaos and then slowly back out of it and watch as the destruction begins and claims they had nothing to do with it. The sad thing is we usually don’t know someone is toxic until after we have created a relationship with them. It is this relationship that makes it hard or sad to let them go, even though we know it is the best thing for ourselves.

Toxic people are fantastic at manipulating people and they are also great at making you believe that you did something wrong or that you are the crazy one. Here are a few questions I ask myself once I have been in a new relationship (dating, friends, etc.) for about four to six months.

What does my future look like if this person is not in my life?

Sometimes we keep toxic people around out of fear of what our life will be without them and sometimes removing them means by association you will be losing other people as well. This can be scary, but a necessary evil. Whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not, we also can grow accustom to the chaos.

When I am around them how do they make me feel?

They will make you feel non-supported, crazy and some how it is always your fault. They also have the straight jacket effect (I don’t know if this is a real term, but this is how it feels to me) they want complete control of the relationship. It always must be what they want and if you disagree they get mad or act as if they don’t understand what you are saying to manipulating you into just agreeing with them. No relationships are perfect and without their issues, but in no way, should you feel like you can’t breath around them or that you are walking on egg shells.

Am I always the one doing the sacrificing?

To sacrifice, means to give something up, to make a compromise and usually to benefit the majority. If you are the person always making the sacrifice and they never do, that’s an issue. Toxic people will not sacrifice because they are selfish people. They will always expect you to stop what you’re doing to help them, if it is currently an inconvenience for you and if you tell them to wait they will always get mad. They want their way and it does not matter the cost to them.

Can I express myself freely to them?

In any relationship, you should not feel has if you are talking to a ticking time bomb.

We as humans are not perfect, so we all can be toxic people and to grow, every so often we should check ourselves. So, I will end will a small and short list of things to look for in ourselves. Self-criticism is never fun, but necessary for self – improvement.

All your problems are always someone else fault.
You have the inability to let go.
You conscientiously don’t feel compelled to help those that help you.
Your wishy- washy.
You say you have your partner or friends back, but when you get the chance to prove it, you don’t and your actions say otherwise.
You act like a victim always.
They never apologize, it can be the simplest thing but they will not do it.
You are a bad listener. If someone is talking to you and you don’t acknowledge them, give no response.