How Body Shaming Myself Has Changed My Life and 8 Ways You Can Change Yours!
We have all seen the quote from Coco Chanel. "Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself."
This can obviously mean many different things to many different people. For me, this quote didn't really make full sense until a little over a year ago.
Let me take you back to High school. The place where almost everyone felt insecure and awkward. The place where teenagers think their life really begins and where they find out who they are. For me, I was the fat cheerleader, who took choir way too seriously. My school was a performing arts magnet school and I was proudly in the Vocal magnet. My day consisted of numerous music related classes and after school, I was a cheerleader. However, I was literally the biggest girl on my squad. I remember once that we finally got approval for new uniforms. When they came in, none of the skirts would fit me. My coach, who was also a seamstress, had to take two skirts and sew them together just for it to fit me. Everyday, I wore an oversized windbreaker jacket to cover my stomach, even in 90 degree heat. Kids can be cruel, but none were more cruel than I was to myself. I was just constantly disgusted with my bigger body. I struggled with self-injury for a long time. I used to restrict myself from eating. I used to go days and days without eating, just so I could feel a little bit better about my body.
2005 Varsity Cheerleader at Patapsco High School and Center for the Arts. This skirt is actually 2 skirts sewn together, just to get around me.
Fast forward 9 years. My mother was diagnosed with high blood pressure. She makes the life changing decision to undergo Gastric Bypass surgery. My mom has always been bigger than me, but after her surgery, she suddenly wasn't anymore. I was the biggest member of my family. Out of almost nowhere, all of those feelings from back in high school when I was just disgusted with my body and feeling so out of place, all came back. Those feelings that everyone was judging me were so overwhelming. Everywhere I went, I compared my body to other people around me and mine was never as good as theirs. Its terrifying to be inside your own mind when your mind is telling you that you aren’t worth breathing the air in your lungs.
My gorgeous mother. 140 pounds lost since surgery on her 50th birthday in 2015.
Until one day, I just decided that enough was enough. I had body shamed myself so much that I just didn't have it in me anymore to keep doing it. I didn’t have the strength to continue fighting this battle. I looked at my young daughter, who is beautiful and smart and has the potential to be anything she can dream of, and decided I want to change. I want to change my way of thinking. I want to change the world's way of thinking! I want her to grow up in a world where we can accept everyone. Where we can be free to look how we look. Where we can just be simply happy. My daughter is responsible for a lot of changes in my life, but this may be the biggest and certainly, the most important!
My beautiful daughter, Elizabeth Marie. Born with lots of drama in 2013.
So here's the 8 ways we can change how we think to improve ourselves and our society.
1.) Change the words "fat" and "plus size" from negatives to positives.
Lots of amazing, empowering women are already doing this. Women like Ashley Graham, Tess Holiday, and countless clothing retailers, like Society Plus, Fashion To Figure, Lane Bryant, and so many more have called to end body discrimination against women who are larger than a size 12. Reports have also shown that the average size for women in this country has gone up from a size 12 to a size 14! That means half the country is a size 14 or larger! Half! Out of billions! So why is fat still a dirty word? All you have to do is TAKE THE WORD BACK! Start telling everyone that plus size is awesome! Curves are sexy! Fat rolls are adorable, just like they are on babies! Yea, I'm fat. So what?
I created the hashtag #aPerfect20 when I started my Instagram page last year. You are perfect just the way you are. I happen to be a size 20, so instead of the perfect 10, I'm A Perfect 20! You can be a perfect 28. Or a perfect 4. Or even a perfect 12! Whatever size you are, just know that you're exactly the way you should be. Don't let anyone try to tell you any different. Just shake those hips and tell them to enjoy the large view! @plus_lindsey - #aPerfect20
2.) Don't mind the internet trolls!
Putting yourself out there isn't easy. It takes tough skin to expose yourself to a whole world of people who don't know you or anything about you. It's not always for the faint of heart. But that's the amazing thing about the world we live. We are allowed to form our own opinions and share them with each other. However, some people take it a little too far. Some people just don't seem to realize that the people they are so rudely criticizing are real people. We all have feelings. Whether you have super thick skin or not, words can still hurt sometimes. You don't even have to value the other person's opinion or give them any kind of power for their words to still hurt you. But unfortunately, this is the reality that so many people face.
If you put yourself out there, you have every right to post and wear whatever you want! Putting yourself on the internet is not an easy thing to do, especially if you're not fully confident in yourself. Ask yourself if those online haters would say those words to your face if they ever met you. I bet the answer would be no. I bet they aren't so brazen without a keyboard in front of them. So, post whatever you want. Exercise your right to free speech! Share whatever your heart desires and don’t you dare censor yourself!
3.) Lead by example.
If you're coming from a place where body positivity isn't so common, like me, you have women in your life that still hate their bodies. My mother is a perfect example. Even after losing 140 pounds, dropping from a size 24/26 down to a 10/12, she still is not very comfortable in her body. She's 51 years old, but for 30+ years, she's been heavy. I always shoot her down when she makes negative comments about her body, even now, because I want her to believe that she is perfect exactly as she is. She was perfect 140 pounds ago. And she had her surgery for all the right reasons. Not to just lose weight, but to become more healthy (getting rid of her high blood pressure) and to be around longer to actually get out and play with her grandchildren. She didn't have surgery because the world was frowning on her for being fat or because she felt pressure from anyone she knew that she needed to lose weight. She did it for herself, to improve herself, by herself. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But to see her still, at such a small size, constantly criticizing her body, makes my heart hurt.
I try as hard as possible to lead by example, not just for my daughter, but for my mother as well, to show them what body positivity is and how to live a body positive life. I no longer make negative remarks about my body in front of either of them. I no longer hide behind the camera, but instead, I jump right in the picture! I walk with confidence when I wear clothes that I feel really good in and it shows. I stopped apologizing for my body.
She will be comfortable in her body one day and I just hope that my daughter never has to feel that negativity about her own body when she gets older.
4.) Learn to embrace your body.
Discover that those "flaws" you see on your body are not actually flaws at all! Everyone has rolls on their belly. Everyone has cellulite on their thighs. Everyone has a stretch mark somewhere! So, let's talk about it! Let's stop pretending that they aren't there! Why be insecure about something that the women standing right next to you have also! Why hide behind things that really don't mean anything?
If more women would dress for their own comfort and not what society dictates, chubby arms would be a lot more commonplace. Belly rolls wouldn't nearly be as hidden. Back fat will be normalized! We would all be numb and unbothered by cellulite! Doesn't that sound amazing?? No more sucking in guts. No more masking places on our body! No more expensive creams and lotions that promise to melt fat, but really don't do anything! Imagine how many companies would go out of business when we start loving our bodies instead of hating them! That is a world I really want to live in!
5.) Start buying things you like, no matter what you think you're allowed to wear!
There are all these outdated rules of plus size fashion. Don't wear stripes. Don't wear crop tops. Don't wear bold colors. Cover your arms and stomachs. Don't wear short skirts or dresses. You know what? That's too many rules! How about we just do what makes us happy and forget the rules!
Also, let's start buying clothes we want to wear instead of having things in our closet that we don't like. I finally realized that I didn't have to wear what I had in my closet, just because that's all I had. I started bargain shopping! There are so many places I love shopping because they ALWAYS have amazing deals! Don't be afraid to exclusively shop in the clearance section! There's some great stuff there! I do have to almost exclusively shop online, even though I live in a huge metropolitan city, like Baltimore, Maryland. There just aren't enough brick and mortar stores here where I can try on clothing and leave with it in my hands, but that's a different issue for a different time. Long story short, don't think you have no options if you don't like the clothing in your closet. Start buying clothes that make you feel good about yourself. Don't just wear what you have because it's all you've got!
6.)Relinquish control!
As a millennial, as a mom, and as a woman in general, I want to be in control of every aspect of my life! I just recently read a post on Instagram by @dothehotpants where she apologized for not liking her body, but explained that it wasn't personal. It's just that she had no choice in the matter.
We don't get to choose what we look like, how our body behaves or reacts, or what genes are given to us. We cannot really control a whole lot about our bodies. However, we CAN control how we let go! We can choose to accept that our bodies do whatever they want, no matter how much we eat healthy or how much we exercise. Even on the opposite side, we can accept that our bodies do whatever they want, no matter how much we eat whatever we want and don't exercise.
Bodies are marvelous, miraculous creations. Let's just step back and appreciate all the things they do for us and let go of trying to micromanage and control it. Let's just take the stress away and accept that, whatever we try or don't try to do for our bodies, they will do whatever they want anyway. Relinquish control over your body. Surrender to your powerful self. You'll feel so much relief!
7.) Step out of your comfort zone!
We are all in different seasons in our lives. Different environments and different mindsets carry a large part of why we are the way we are. We all reach a point in our lives where we feel stuck. Stagnant. Ready for change. Maybe that change is a new job. Maybe it’s getting out of a bad relationship. Maybe, you just need new clothes! Whatever the change may be, don’t be afraid to take the jump! Don’t be afraid to go after the things in your life that will make you happy! Change up your look. Wear something you’ve never worn before, like a crop top, or a sleeveless dress! Ask your boss for that promotion! Dump that horrible boyfriend! Make the jump! Don’t stay stuck in an unhappy situation, or even in something as small as your wardrobe! Jumping can definitely be a scary thing, but once you take the leap, you’ll find out a whole lot about yourself!
For me, my personal jump was starting my Instagram page. That may not seem like a big deal to most people, but just know that I was VERY late to the Instagram party. I knew I wanted to create an easy place to showcase all of these new found outfits I had, but I am a pretty shy person! Taking pictures of myself and posting them online, just for people to see, was a bit terrifying. I was mentally in a place in my life where I just didn’t really care what anyone else thought, but I wanted to display my body online for people who look like me, can see someone who they can relate to. When I posted my first outfit, I didn’t even know how Instagram worked. I didn’t know to zoom out before posting my first picture, so my post literally cut my head out of the frame. But you know what, I got a few likes! From people I didn’t even know! Those few, small likes gave me the motivation to keep going! I now have over 800 followers and that number grows every single day.
Maybe one day, I’ll get those big follower numbers and be someone that people in the BOPO community know, but for now, I’m perfectly happy that I’m accomplishing what I’ve set out to do!
8.) Join the Body Positivity Movement and tell everyone you know about it!
Get an Instagram, like I did. Start blogging your outfits. Teach others that fat doesn't equal ugly or unhealthy. Join Facebook groups about body positivity. Join the community of women who have dedicated their lives to making all people feel accepted and worthy of love and happiness! Once you get inside, you’ll want to tell everyone you know! There is hope in this world we can all live in together, where everyone is free to be themselves. Everyone is free to look how they want, dress how they want, and where we all encourage each other and make each other feel welcome! Not one person should ever be made to feel bad about things they cannot control, like the color of their skin, their physical or mental disabilities, or the way they look! Listen to the lyrics of Meaghan Trainer songs. Positivity breeds positivity, so start realizing how awesome you are!
I truly feel like these 8 things, if we all learn from them and grow from them, can make a HUGE difference! We, as human beings, are not supposed to all be the same. We aren’t supposed to look the same or think the same, but love flourishes. Hate doesn’t. I choose to spread love and live in a world where love grows. I can’t really even help it that I want to continue being positive. I’ve spent so much of my life being unhappy, that it held me back and I never want anyone to feel like that. Let’s love each other. Let’s love ourselves!
END BODY SHAMING TODAY!
These are just her confessions,
Guest Blogger-Lindsey Lopez
You can find her on Instagram : @plus_lindsey
